Two Cent's in your Mail

Thursday, August 11, 2011

~And then there is the gum dream~

Reoccurring dreams are said to have some meaning, and I am sure on some level they do. Maybe they are just a thought that keeps playing over and over in your head because you have had it before, so it is now a comfort thing, like that song you like, so it's on repeat. I have had a reoccurring dream, and I call it the gum dream. It usually starts out with me having a conversation, and it can be random, not with anyone in particular, so it always throws me off. The beginning is pleasant, then dammit, it's the stupid gum dream? Shit.... Okay, focus...so, what takes place is that I am having a conversation, and I have a piece of gum in my mouth. I am talking, and all of a sudden, the gum starts to grow, swell, becoming increasingly bigger, and annoying. I take the gum out of my mouth, because I can't talk. I can't get the words out...I am left speechless. This doesn't work though, because there is always this tiny little piece that is left over, and as I begin talking again, the gum starts to slowly grow back, and the agony of frustration starts all over. It sounds like a really stupid dream, but let me tell you, this dream pisses me off. I really, really despise this dream.  I have pondered over the meaning....frustration dream, stress dream, does it mean that I feel I am never heard? Do I feel that I cannot communicate or in somehow telling myself that gum is not good for me? Am I having a premonition that Wrigley's will try to dominate and take over the world?   What in the hell is this dream about?

Anyhow, dreams are subjective, and up to interpretation, and who in the hell really knows what they mean. There really is no way of knowing. The mind is a wondrous thing, and who knows what is really going on while we are drifting away in those hours. I do wish that I had more dreams that were pleasant, because more than not, my dreams have become quite prophetic, and very subjective to many things that have come to be, and to situations that are involving people around me. Now this...this is becoming quite interesting.

I don't like being right. I know most people will say that they do, and I get that, I understand, but my point here is that when it comes to certain issues, I don't like being right. At times, I get a feeling, or you could say, I "know" something, and I have learned that keeping these thoughts to myself is the smarter thing to do. Often, when I say something, or I share the thought, it becomes confrontational, or it can be taken the wrong way, or I get the "no, no, no, you are absolutely wrong" but then.....inevitably, the truth comes to light, or something happens, and there I sit, shaking my head. I would say, I have looked at my husband quite a few times and said, "I really, really hate being right". I do.

I had a dream where my Aunt was singing to me. Now, the dream itself, what was actually going on during the dream, I can't tell you those details, nor could I that morning, and the events of the dream really didn't have anything to do with this issue, but during the entire dream, my Aunt was singing. I didn't see her, but I knew it was her. I knew it was her voice, and it was very clear, very apparent that it was her, and I knew it without any doubt. The other factor that was very significant that night was the song that she was singing, because it was a song that held some sentimental value to me, and later I found, to her as well. It kept waking me, and I would try to go back to sleep, and she would sing, and I would wake up, and I thought, "dammit, shut up, I have to work in a little while, and I am going to be exhausted!". When I was driving to work, I was trying to decipher what it all meant, and at first, I thought, well, of course, I should go to lunch, have another sit down, because I needed time with her, and her advice, her comfort. Being that my Aunt has always been that touchstone for me, it was, at the moment, the obvious solution. I wrote her a message and told her we should have lunch, and she wrote back and said yes, when, and while reading her message, my mind suddenly was clear, and I realized why she had been singing to me, why it was that song, why I had the dream. She didn't tell me one single thing, but I KNEW. We went to lunch, we sat for four solid hours, and I never brought it up, and I patiently waited for her to say something, but she never did. I asked her repeatedly if she was alright, but she kept saying she was tired. No, not true. I sat, listened, we ate, I asked again, and once more, the answer, "no, just tired exhausted, worn out". No, you don't want to tell me. Your not ready. You don't realize yet, but I already know.

I waited, but it wasn't until two weeks later, when I finally had to go to her work and say, "look, you keep singing to me in my dreams, so what the hell is wrong". She thought, well, of course, you need me....but no, no my beloved Aunt, the song, this time, you are the one who needs support, you are the one who was searching for help. We are connected through that entity.....I already knew.

Sometimes, I don't sleep because I am restless, and then I get the call that my daughter is not feeling well. It seems that whenever she is really stressed out, I have not slept the night before, not a minute. There have been times when I am so exhausted, so I send a text message, and just ask, "are you alright bubie?" She will reply, "don't feel good", or "my throat is sore" or "boys are stupid". :-) After that, I can sleep. Yes, it sounds crazy, but it is true.

I have dreams about other people, and those scare me at times, but I am slowly learning how to control the fear of them, and understand them more. The recent dream of a co-worker turned out to be that they would get a ticket for speeding, not the result that I had in the dream. Big sigh of relief. I have had those kinds of dreams frequently, like, don't drive today type of dreams, or could you maybe not go to the lake, and then, you see the news and there was a boating accident. Yeah, that one freaked me out.

I had a dream about my friend, whom I consider more of a sister, where she was walking with me in a park, and we were talking, just having a normal conversation, and all of a sudden, she just started to take flight. Just like that, she floated away into the sky, and I was smiling, waving....and I know it means she will be leaving soon.
Not as in dying, but leaving Vegas.

When I am really, really fortunate, I have a dream where I smell noxzema, and go ahead and shake your head, and giggle, but this scent for me is very comforting. This reminds me of my Grandmother, and when I smell this in my dreams, I know she is there. I hear her singing to me as well sometimes. She was always singing. I remember her always singing, and dancing, with that beautiful smile of hers. Those are the very best dreams. Those are the dreams that usually tell me something very good. Always something happy. I always thank her when I wake up.

Another dream of my cousin having surgery on her leg turned out to be that her pup actually got sick, and that bothered me quite a bit, because I felt that I should have called her and told her. I am not sure what I could have told her, how it would have helped. I am trying to learn what exactly this is that is going on with me....because I know it is something.

There were always stories of my family, and it's history, and the qualities that we have, the talents. Some that were talked about, some that nobody talked about, because you just didn't, for fear of mocking, rejection, being outcast. I don't really have those insecurities of worrying what will others think of me, because most of my life, I have already been tossed aside and outcast from most relatives. I spent most of my life figuring out that I am all I have to count on, so, I do. When you are in that situation, you learn that other people's opinion's of you really don't matter. In the end, you have to live with yourself, so, be what you want to be. I am still learning, and still want to learn. As I have sought out more information, I have discovered that I am not as dumb as I was told, and maybe I am more like my ancestors than was previously thought. This is a pretty interesting thing, actually. If I do know one thing, it is that my family history is pretty damn fascinating, eclectic, rich in heritage, dramatic, and also fortunate enough that it has been preserved and passed along.

I am just an average, everyday person to most, but when I look on my life now, I am truly blessed. I have lived overseas, been to the Houses of Parliament in England, stood at the Tower of London, been through Blenheim Palace where Sir Winston Churchill was born. I myself was born in Las Vegas, where I have been fortunate to have lived, had three beautiful children, and now am married to a very handsome and generous man that I adore. I have met and spoke with the President of the United States. I was on television when I was 5 years old, and then again for a commercial for our Senator for Nevada as an adult. I sang back up for an R&B group when I was 18 on an album that went gold, and is still heard on the radio today. But in the grand scheme of things....I am just me. I have dreams that tell me things, and I know sometimes what is coming, what is going to be. I want to be better at this writing thing, and I want to travel with my husband. I want my kids to be happy, and healthy, and for life to be easier for us all.

.....and, I haven't had the gum dream since Carl and I moved in together. <3