I haven't had much spare time lately to write anything, and tonight, I am wide awake. Carl is sleeping and snoring away next to me, and I couldn't fall asleep no matter what, so I read a couple of things online, then I glanced at some posts on my Facebook. One in particular made me think about some things, and I got up and brought in my laptop, and here I am, typing away at 12:30am, while "Zombieland" plays on our TV, for about the 20th time. Yeah, we like this movie...a lot.
I am sincerely hoping for honest responses to this, because it is something that is very personal to me, being that it has actually happened to me. It is also something that has occurred in Carl's life, and affects him quite profoundly, and I really struggle with why, and how it can possibly continue when it must surely be very well known that it is morally wrong, and hurtful to do.
How is it that a parent can so easily, so passively, so calmly, turn their back on their own child, for such a simple, or stupid reason, and never look back? How can a parent deny their own child because of an argument? How can a parent or grandparent deny the existence of a child or grandchild because they are worried about what the neighbors might think, or because their church forced and adoption? I am just amazed at some of the stories I have heard, because I know others that have gone through problems with this. It happens entirely too much, and I see and I hear of families being torn apart over the most ridiculous things, yet other find ways to stick together through addictions, and murder, and abuse, and horrific conditions. ???
In my case, it has been very confusing, yet not so surprising, all at the same time. My parents were very dysfunctional as parents, and as man and wife. The physical and mental abuse was enough to cause damage beyond repair. There had been such damage in my fathers past from his parents, so I don't really think he ever knew how to really show emotion, or how to be a father. He never talked to me, he never showed concern, or emotion, or really did anything except go to work, come home, sit in his chair, and watch TV. Then of course, he was the one to discipline us, so he played that role. When I got married, and wound up in a very abusive situation, my parents pretty much reacted completely opposite to what most parents would. They did nothing. My mother told me to stay. My father did absolutely nothing to protect me. There were no "I will kill him if he ever hits my daughter again!!". No...not for me. No, when I got divorced, I was told, I was dead to them. I was pronounced dead. Yay....
Carl became a father when he was a teenager, and was pretty shocked, since he learned of this on the day that Claire was born. He was informed that he would be signing adoption papers, and that was that. She was placed with a family, and Carl, being a minor himself, really had no say in the matter. Over the years, he has had contact with her through letters, and pictures. All of this time, Carl has never hidden the fact that he is a father. He carries her picture in his wallet. Her picture is on our living room wall. His family, however, acts like they have no idea of her existence. When he tried, as a teen, to speak to his Grandfather about Claire, his Grandfather told him to NEVER tell his Grandmother. Carl was broken hearted. When Carl's mother came to visit us, she saw Claire's picture on our wall, and didn't say one single word. She simply acted like she had no idea who it was. Carl has explained to me that this is part of their faith. Again, I don't get it. My brother and his wife have acted in this manner as well. They get angry with someone, cut them off. Get mad at me...I am dead. It's okay. I am not a person. I am nobody. I am not someone who attends their church, so I don't matter. Most religions condemn Judas for denying Christ, but yet they can go around and deny or disrespect their own family members? How is this alright? Sounds like good old hypocrisy to me.
Is this kind of behavior even necessary? It causes so much pain and agony. It causes resentment, and anger, and anguish. Suicide, addiction, depression...all of these can result from such things. Why would family treat you this way? I have been treated in a kinder manner by total strangers than I have by my own parents. Do you have any idea what that does to a person? Do you have any idea how a person suffers when they know that their parents, their mother, their father, looks on them with such discontent? Such hate? To be denied, to be thrown away like that...it is something that burns you every single day of your life. It is a hurt that you never can recover from. No amount of therapy, or hugs, or "it's going to be okay", can ever make it better. You always wonder "what in the hell did I ever do to you?"
How can these people walk around and look themselves in the mirror? How can any of them believe in their hearts that they have been good people, good parents? To be such a selfish, cruel and insensitive ass....to inflict that kind of pain on your own family....really? For what purpose?