It really is a beautiful, beautiful dream. I think of it daily. All the time. It goes over and over in my mind, like a well thought out screen play, that I have written with great care. I listen to the music, I can see every single step. I know exactly how I hope it will all play out. I know exactly how he wishes for the day to be for us both. The most beautiful dress is hanging in our closet, and all I keep thinking is...am I ever going to be able to wear it? Is this really going to happen?
It's not because we don't want to do it...it all comes down to money. Pure and simple. The all mighty dollar is controlling this entire event, and the pressure for me to earn more and more, to acquire the $8500.00 for the venue, flowers, tuxes, pay the photographer, and by the time we are done, we are gonna be over $12,000.00, and that's before we have saved one single dime for a honeymoon. What the fuck.
I am going to be absolutely crushed beyond belief, because what Carl and I want most is to have this ceremony, performed by my Aunt, that is rich in tradition and heritage, that will be emotional, and loving, and absolutely beautiful and heartfelt. it will be original, and unlike any other, and completely US, but we would have to go into almost complete and serious debt to do that, and I am terrified. I really don't know what to do....
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