Two Cent's in your Mail

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

~Back to the Grind~

I haven't posted anything for a little while. Lots of things going on. A transition for my son, one that I am not very thrilled about, but must sit back and watch unfold. I love that my kids all think for themselves, and have strong minds, and very strong opinions, but it drives me crazy that at the same time, they are completely without their senses, as all of us are, at one time or another. Standing still and letting someone you love, more than yourself, fall A piece of crap that I knew for over a year, before he did, has dug deep with her manipulative claws, and my handsome, naive son, has absolutely no idea what he just signed on for. I want him out there, and on his own, and living his life....just not with such a horrific person. Attempts to explain to him that he is in for some serious trouble with this one, have failed. This girl is a "stab you in your sleep" kind of idiot, and that makes me furious.

On to more things. I love fall in Las Vegas. By far, the very best time of the year. The weather is simply gorgeous, and the holidays are coming. No extreme heat, little wind, and the air smells so good. Burning, as always, candles in the house keep the smell lingering in the air. A constant reminder that soon, the tree goes up for Christmas, day after Thanksgiving, of course, and my favorite season unfolds. I am not one for material things really. My obsession is the home. I will go my entire life without clothes, jewelery, shoes, etc. I love have a nice home. It makes me feel important, accomplished. Nothing makes me happier than having my husband and all of my kids at home at the same time, feeding them all, listening to them talk, laugh, scream at the TV while playing games. This is my idea of heaven. It is even better when other family members are over, and I am feeding them all. I swear, I was meant to be either an Italian mom, or a Jewish mom, with my instincts to nurture and feed everyone. Even my given name Leora, just sounds like a plump Italian woman, standing in front of the stove, stirring sauce.

Recent passing weeks have brought about the re-connection with my little brother Scott, whom I have absolutely adored since the minute he was born. I have many memory blocks from my childhood, but Scott as a baby, those memories are very clear. He had the cutest giggle, chubby little feet, and playing with him, sometimes torturing him, are some of the brightest and most cherished memories for me. Life is life, and as dysfunctional as my family is, there are lost times as well. Some still baffle me to this day, but for what ever reasons, there are too many lost years, lost times, lost "could have been great" moments that have gone by. In my eyes, my little brother can do no wrong, and never has. Even in moments when others were passing severe judgment on his decisions, I didn't blink. Unconditional love for him goes without question....even when he was angry at me. Seeing his beautiful daughters for the first time was a pivotal moment. Never meeting them before, and then having this moment at a line for a roller coaster, and in California, of all places, also pretty much sums up how retarded our family can be. For whatever reasons, for what ever motives, I am not really concerned. One thing is a given, Scott is just as good at being a wonderful father as he is at just about every other accomplishment of his. The look of adoration for him from his two girls, as he was talking to Carl, who was also meeting Scott for the first time, was very clear and apparent to me. All I am concerned with, is the future. Nothing that happened before can, or will be changed. No sense on dwelling on any of that.

Did I mention that going to be perfectly fine, and waking up with a bitch of a head cold, really, really sucks?

Ah....silly thing, life. A roller coaster itself, all of the ups and downs, twists and turns, sharp plunges while stealing your breath right from your chest. Still, it does make for one hell of a ride.

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